Culver Clem's Groundhog Day declaration

CULVER -- Due to the sad demise of Culver Chuck, whose career was calamitously concluded last year, Punxsutawney Phil, plenipotentiary of prognostication for predicting winter's end, has pronounced that Culver Clem will serve on a probationary period for our area.
Culver Clem has candidly cautioned that his career curve doesn't coincide with Chuck's but will call with caution his conclusions for this year.
Explaining that Daylight Savings Time has drastically dulled and disrupted his disposition, he duly noted that he would retreat to his den for six more weeks.
We ask that Culver Clem's calculative comments be taken cautionary for his first major prediction.

Bobbie Ruhnow

(Bobbie Ruhnow is a correspondent for the Culver Citizen and Pilot News)