By Mike Boys Pilot News Consultant
I know most of you remember the famous skit by Abbott and Costello . . . “Who’s on first?”  when it was first performed in their1945 film “The Naughty Nineties.” 

    Well, I ran across this e-mail from a friend and thought I would share it with you. I can picture in my mind Abbott and Costello doing this sketch. But instead of baseball — let’s bring it up to date. Here we look in on them as Costello wants to buy a computer from Abbott. This is what it would sound like today:
Costello: Picks up his phone and calls the computer store.
RING, RING, RING  . . .
Abbott: “Super Dandy Computer Store . . . may I help you?”
Costello: “Yes, I’m thinking about buying a computer.”
Abbott: “Mac?”
Costello: “No, my name’s Lou.”
Abbott: “Your computer?”
Costello: “I don’t own a computer.  I want to buy one.”
Abbott: “Mac?”
Costello: “I told you my name is Lou.”
Abbott: “What about Windows?”
Costello: “Why, will it get stuffy in here?”
Abbott: “Do you want a computer with Windows?”
Costello: “I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?”
Abbott: “Wallpaper.”
Costello: “Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software.”
Abbott: “Software for Windows?”
Costello: “No, on the computer.  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business.”
Abbott:  “Office.”
Costello: “Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend something?”
Abbott: “I just did.”
Costello: “You just did what?”
Abbott: “Recommend something.”
Costello: “You recommended something?”
Abbott: “Yes.”
Costello: “OK, what did you recommend for my office?”
Abbott: “Office !”
Costello: “Yes, for my office.”
Abbott: “I recommended Office with Windows.”
Costello: “I already have an office with windows. OK, let’s just say I am sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal.  What do I need?”
Abbott: “Word”
Costello: “What word?”
Abbott: “Word in Office.”
Costello: “The only word in office is . . . office!”
Abbott: “The Word in Office for Windows.”
Costello: “Which word in office for windows?”
Abbott: “The Word you get when you click on the blue “W.”
Costello: “I’m going to click YOUR  blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers.  What about financial bookkeeping?  You have anything I can track my money with?”
Abbott: “Money.”
Costello: “That’s right. What do you have?”
Abbott: “Money”
Costello: “I need money to track my money?”
Abbott: “It comes bundled with your computer.”
Costello: “What’s bundled with my computer?”
Abbott: “Money.”
Costello: “Money comes with my computer?”
Abbott: “Yes, at no extra charge.”
Costello: “I get a bundle of money with my computer?  Wow!  How much?”
Abbott: “One copy”
Costello: “Isn’t it illegal to copy money?”
Abbott: “Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.”
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?”
Abbott: “Why not . . . they own it.”
 
I still laugh when I hear the old baseball sketch even though I have heard it a hundred times. This up-to-date version, I hope, will give the new generation a laugh.
 
POP QUIZ:  More Indiana History- - Which Indiana city is known as the “Limestone Capitol of the World”?
 
Answer to last week’s POP QUIZ: The question was: “What Indiana city was the scene of the only Civil War battle that took place on Indiana ground?”  Answer: Corydon. The battle was fought on July 9, 1863 when General John Hunt Morgan attacked the city.
 
Well, that’s it for now . . . so until next time . . . this is my view from the Pilot house. 
 

Mike Boys is a lifelong Marshall County resident, former newspaper owner and former public officeholder. The dictionary defines a Pilot House as “an enclosed area on the bridge of a ship, from which the vessel is guided.” His views, opinions and news appear occasionally on the Pilot News Opinion page.