Super Bowl sales pitches by Angel Perkins

For most, viewing the Super Bowl through a television screen means rooting for their favorite team, wearing a team jersey, filling the refrigerator or smaller cooler with eats and beverages, and shouting from a perch with friends, family, or maybe only the dog as a fellow fan.
Others wait patiently through plays, injuries, conjectures and opinions for the halftime show so they can see their favorite musical performers giving it their all (which in the past has proved is sometimes a little TOO much giving).
Weirdos like myself however merely tolerate the game, the hype and heartburn for the commercials. No, I’ve never been in advertising, but as a consumer, my entire life I’ve found myself wanting more when it comes to television commercials.
More often than not, if I actually remember the commercial, I have no idea what they are selling. While some do incorporate lovable characters like Mister Whipple (for the Charmin of my youth — which I would prefer his “grandson” be brought to star in instead of the stupid cartoon bears of today claiming their product creates fewer dingleberries) or Palmolive’s Madge, who always prioritized the moisturizing of ones hands, more often than not — the characters are pretty forgettable. One ubersuccessful campaign from my childhood resulted in the fact that NEVER will I forget the phone number for Chicagoland’s favorite carpet sales and installation store ... Empire (588-2300 ... Empire).
Now, advertisers have gotten into my head for only Volkswagon because I love the Star Wars Jedi mind tricks played by the little boy (which spurs me occasionally to use my remote car starter even though it’s a Chrysler — for an immature thrill and just to spook people nearby) and the E*Trade baby is another favorite, though I could care less about trading, I love the character and the product.
I mean, isn’t that what a commercial is for?
Also, annoying as it may be, I know who to call and the number, should I have a structured settlement ... and need ... cash ... now (call J.G. Wentworth, 877-cashnow!). Geiko’s gecko is memorable though when they featured the caveman and his adage “even a caveman could do it” I had no clue what it was he was supposed to be DOing.
I always remember the humanistic dancing hamsters and their catchy tunes — I even remember the commercial well enough to describe it all, but can’t seem to grasp which box-shaped car it is promoting. This year’s Super Bowl release for the vehicle was only slightly more impressive to me as it made me finally register and say aloud, “Oh yeah. It’s for the Kia Soul!”
Paying as much as $4 million for a 30-second spot during the most-watched-television-period of the year (more than 111 million viewers this year alone) advertisers work for months, often a full 12, coming up with ideas that will lure consumers to their’s or their client’s product. Pepsi of course is the company that people of all ages usually remember after the pretzels have been swept up and all the leftovers have been thrown out.
Personally, I always look forward to Doritos and Volkswagon ads. They have a charm to them that most don’t and their product is actually focused on enough to recall when it’s over. This year, they again didn’t disappoint and while maybe they are a little ridiculous, you can’t say they aren’t amusing and you simply cannot forget what they are trying to sell.
Dyson pulled a funny one this year literally, with its super suction power. I liked the Acura commercial with Jerry Seinfeld (and the even better ending when Jay Leno out-seduces him) and Kia’s Optima commercial with the sandman bringing dreams of all sizes, was impressively interesting enough in my being able to incur the recollection of events, but not necessarily of the specific model of car.
Also, for me, something about those draft horses and the dalmatian make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, even without drinking a Budweiser — though, I’m ashamed to admit, I will remember the brand’s croaking frogs until my dying day.
Chevy brought wit, humor and family to gel with their lovely (vehicle) models and VW brought my favorite Jedi back for more.
I’m sure most men appreciated the Go Daddy commercials best (though do they realize what the ads are actually promoting?) while the women will better remember the David Beckham line of undergarments (of which the women will surely not forget the product of any time soon).
All in all this year proved entertaining ... to a point ... and don’t even get me started on Madonna. Don’t get me wrong, I do L.U.V. Madonna, and I’m all for world peace — but after all these years all she has to offer is the same six songs?
If you missed the game or actually used advertising airtime as bathroom or nacho cheese-heating breaks, you can view all the 2012 Super Bowl commercials online at or