Holiday Headaches

By Angel Perkins
I love the holidays, pretty much all of them but Halloween is my very favorite, followed by Christmas. My first holiday headache comes from seeing Christmas items on the shopping shelves before Halloween. I don’t want to see any jingle bells, furry hats or candy canes until I’m shopping for green beans for Thanksgiving or boots to replace the ones my children grew out of the year before.
I don’t want to hear carols; I don’t want to see Christmas trees, nor want to see snow. There will be plenty of time to attend to all that while picking through leftover turkey scraps or licking that last fluff of Cool Whip off my fork.
What I do want to see are deals. Deals well before the dreaded Black Friday. Yes, there is a reason for the biggest shopping day of the year, but hiking prices the beginning of November so the store can claim “door-busting deals!” the day after Thanksgiving isn’t impressive to me.
Just once I would like the planet to join together in avoiding shopping altogether until Dec. 6 or so and you’ll see discount coupons, BOGO and sale tags like you’ve never seen.
Black Friday what it is, I have issues that give me a headache. I don't want to see people snatching things from another person's hands, cart or purse. I don't want to see people digging through bins so ferociously that they are spilling items on the ground. I don't want to see small children out after 11 p.m. school night or not and I don't want to see an empty checkout aisle where a cashier could be tapping or scanning items. I'd like to see more smiles, more people trying to assist one another and people, understand that exit means leave and enter means go in. How is that hard? Didn't we learn that the same time we learned left and right and how to tie our shoes?
I think with a little good cheer, we could make the best of a maddening situation. while in line this Black Friday, a line that I was sure would see me grow several more gray hairs while I stood there, I heard a person behind me, suggest loudly, "FLASH MOB!" Nobody participated but she did get a couple chuckles. How much bearable would the line HAVE been had someone at the very least, belted out, "Young man, there's no need to feel down I said young man, pick yourself off the ground, young man, cuz you're in a new town, there's no need ... to ... be ... un-hap-py…" to make things a little less … tedious. The stores themselves could surely eliminate customer confrontations by airing The Chicken Dance, The Macarena or the Cupid Shuffle over the intercom. Anything would beat Andy Williams mindlessly crooning "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," while lines are backed up 20 carts strong and the cashier that you've stood on tiptoe to see is rolling her eyes and chomping her gum while she waits for assistance.
I have a list of holiday headaches we will touch on more later. What do you find migraine-inducing about the Christmas season?